Shared Responsibility Scenarios

Unified Ascent wants everyone to live their best lives.

Central to this, is the theme of No Abuse.

This includes No Abuse Types | No Abuse Symptoms | No Abuse Cycles

Unified Ascent doesn’t care about the type of abuse, or the demographics of any of the abusers – we simply want to stop All abuse.

To help with this end, the main principles of Unified Ascent are that Loving is assumed, responsibility is shared, and trust is unified.

See the Unified Ascent Central Principles here to explore these concepts in more detail here:

https://www.unifiedascent.com/post/ua_central_principles

While these principles make a lot of sense in many scenarios, as we explore more deeply, we will see many challenging scenarios that are not simple to resolve.

The purpose of this article is to explore some specific scenarios and use cases, and consider how we might best respond.

Important to note with all these scenarios:

• nobody is wrong

• it’s not about blame

  
  

Instead, it’s about owning our part of every interaction, and working together to evolve to our best lives.

1.1    Scenario One: A Victim is Harmed (Classic Scenario)

Actors: Abuser | Victim | Abuse

Summary: Abuser Feels Fine, Victim Feels Harmed

Scenario: This is the type of scenario we hear heaps about. The abuser thinks everything’s peachy, and they don’t see the harm in what they’re doing. Meanwhile, the victim is feeling the effects, whether it’s emotional, psychological, or physical pain. The abuser might even feel justified, thinking their actions are warranted. But the victim? They’re suffering.

Example: Someone says something that is taken offensively by someone else.

Response: Straight forward, well researched, and well documented responses here - not acceptable:

1.     The abuser needs to take responsibility for their actions, no matter how they feel about it.

2.     The victim needs their pain recognised and validated.

3.     Everyone else, community, friends, families, step in, with balance, to try to support both parties, including the abuser to understand what they’ve done wrong, the impact of that, and how they could behave differently, and the victim to acknowledge their pain, and confirm clearly acceptable boundaries of relationships.

a.     Example Response to abuser: Look mate, you’ve hurt [this specific person], when you [did or said these specific things]. It would have been better if you had expressed yourself in [this specific way] to avoid this hurt in the future.

b.     Example Response to victim: I’m sorry that you’ve been hurt – that really sucks, and I feel your pain with you. Do you understand why this person behaved this way, and can we together, think of any ways we can support this person to not behave in that way again in the future?

Remember: No abuse is acceptable for our Unified Ascent. We are trying to break the abuse cycles for everyone. If someone has acted in an abusive way, they have almost always been a victim of abuse themselves. So, if we can, we are trying to show that we care about someone whether they’re acting from a place of anger or pain, and we are trying to reach places of understanding, acceptance, and love, together.

1.2    Scenario Two: An Abuser is Harmed

Actors: Abuser | Victim | Abuse

Summary: Victim is Fine, but the Abuser Feels Guilty 

Scenario: This scenario is more tricky. At first, this might seem unusual, but this is actually also a very common scenario. In this case, the victim isn’t harmed by the abuse – they’re either unaware or just don’t internalise it – they don’t even think about it. But the abuser? They’re feeling guilty. They might be wrestling with their own sense of right and wrong. It might be all good on the outside, but deep down, there’s a sense that something’s off. Even if the victim’s fine, it doesn’t mean the abuser’s guilt is unwarranted.

Examples: Someone feels guilty because they have not been doing something – e.g. their “abuse” might be neglect, and the abuser feels bad they have “neglected” to stay in touch with someone, but the “victim” is completely unaware, and continues to behave normally. Another example might be lying to someone – where the victim doesn’t know about the lie unless they are told about it.

Response: These scenarios can be more difficult to identify and deal with:

1.     The abuser has a responsibility to check their actions, regardless of how the victim feels. It's a personal accountability issue.

2.     The victim might be fine, but the abuser would usually be owning up to what they’ve done. In this case, it’s the job of the victim to try to receive this with understanding and care too – and perhaps even an outlet to even out the scenario.

3.     The community plays a part here by holding everyone to a standard of care and respect.

a.     Example Response to abuser: Thank you, I’m so glad that you shared with Us All your feelings of guilt about this situation. We are All better off when we’re open and transparent about these things. What do you think is an appropriate way we balance this situation now, and forever?

b.     Example Response to victim: This person feels like they have hurt you in some way, or that they could have behaved better towards you. Is there something you could do together, or some gift you would accept, that would improve you life and theirs?

Remember: We want everyone better off from these situation. That means resolving the immediate balance problem, AND ensuring the mistake is less likely to happen again.  

1.3    Scenario Three: nobody Knows, but it is Abuse

Actors: Abuser | Victim | Abuse

Summary: Abuser and Victim Are Fine (at least they think they are), but the Abuse Is Not 

Scenario: The abuser thinks they’re doing something out of love, or maybe they feel they’re showing control. The victim might not see anything wrong at first – both are fine in their own minds. But the action itself? Well, that’s abusive, and it doesn’t matter what either of them feels. It’s still harmful.

Examples: The most common scenario here is reporting on news. The news reporter might be acting from a position of power, control, or charity by reporting news as it happens, and the victim might think they want to know what’s been happening, but if the news is reported out of context, and is not balanced with good information that places the situation in perspective, or they are reporting on something that nobody has any control over, then they have heightened fear, sadness, or disillusionment – they have made their victims mentally unwell from this form of emotional and psychological abuse.

Response:

1.     The abuser has a responsibility consider how the news will be received. Perhaps it is important news, that highlights reasons why something is not happening, or perhaps the news is not important enough to report on. Perhaps it’s nothing to do with news though, and the abuser has simply normalised abusive behaviour. Either way, ongoing dialogue and reflection are key for Us All to improve.

2.     The victim should try to maintain perspective on actions, especially when it’s coming from only a few sources..

3.     It’s on everyone – including the community – to make sure that the behavior, regardless of intent, doesn’t cross a line. This can be challenging with our current state of affairs, where much negative news reporting is normalised, and some of our biggest issues, for example around our mental health epidemics, are actually made worse, not better, by reporting. People do also have a right to know though, and life is not always joyful. But if everyone is caring about how news like this is received, then it’s our best chance to select the most relevant information, and improve the way we report on it.

a.     Example Response to abuser: Hey, take a proper gander at these other, Good stories, far better news than anything that’s wrong.

b.     Example Response to victim: Did you know there are other ways of living

Remember: In these scenarios, both parties don’t realise something is wrong, and this can be a very hard cycle of abuse to break, as perhaps they both rely on each other…

1.4    Scenario Four: Angry vs Loving

Actors: Lover | Angry Person | Intervener

Summary: Lover is Calm, Angry Person is Angry, and the Intervener Tries to Step In

Scenario: You’ve got your mate, the Lover, trying to bring calm to a heated situation. But on the other side, you’ve got an Angry Person, firing up, their temper through the roof. The Intervener steps in, trying to make peace, but they’re also walking a fine line—how do they handle the situation? They can’t just take sides, right?

Examples: Perhaps the person is angry for a good reason, perhaps not…

Response: Balance

Sure, the Lover is trying to calm things down, but the Angry Person has their emotions running high. The Intervener? They’ve got to make sure they’re being neutral—holding space for both sides without picking favourites. The key here is shared responsibility—everyone plays a part in how that situation unfolds, and it’s up to all parties involved to bring it to a resolution. No one’s in the clear here; everyone’s gotta work together.

I’d love to get more specific on this scenario… for example, the lover says something that makes the person angry, vs the person is angry because of a previous interaction they had.

No matter the scenario, the intervener should not assume either party is in the right or the wrong, until they’ve assessed the situation.

And in all scenarios, we’re trying to ensure that everyone walks away, less likely to abuse again, and hopefully even with a better life to move onto.

1.5    Scenario Four: Creating New Worlds!

Actors: Dreamer | Doer | World

Summary: Dreamer’s Got the Vision, Doer’s Got the Action, World’s Watching

Scenario: You know that one friend who’s got big dreams but isn’t the one to roll up their sleeves? And then there’s the Doer, the one who takes action, makes things happen, but maybe forgets the vision sometimes. Meanwhile, the World? They’re watching, waiting for something to come of it.

Response:

Look, Dreamers need Doers, and Doers need Dreamers—it’s all about the balance. But both have to remember the World’s expectations. They can’t just go about things for themselves – they’re all in this together. The World is watching and has a stake in how these things pan out, so everyone’s gotta own their role. If one party checks out, the whole thing falls apart.

1.6    Scenario Four: Healing Parties

Actors: Caregiver | Patient | Healing

Summary: Caregiver's Got the Skills, Patient’s Got the Will, and Healing is the Goal

Scenario: The Caregiver has the know-how, the Patient has the heart and drive to get better, and the Healing process is the focus. But sometimes the Caregiver might feel like they’re doing all the work, or the Patient might not be responding as expected. It’s a dance.

Response:

The thing is, Caregivers can’t heal anyone without a Patient’s willingness, and Patients can’t get better if they’re not working alongside the Caregiver. Healing isn’t just a one-way street. It’s all about working together. If either party checks out, the healing process suffers. It’s about shared responsibility in bringing healing to life, and both sides need to play their part.

In this scenario, perhaps the caregiver and patient are actually doing everything right, but the healing process is not the right thing…

1.7    Scenario Four: Racist Dilemma

Actors: Racists | Victim | Racism

Summary: A racist treats someone different because of their race.

Scenario: One person acts in a way that is different because of their own, or another person’s race.

Examples: Someone may be applying a Universal Philosophy to the way they treat people – everyone as equals, without seeing skin colour or any other assumed points of difference. Another man may become angry, perhaps they are feeling disrespected because of their personal history (e.g. perhaps a black man is asking for a “cracker” to eat, because that’s what they’re called, but the white man takes this as an offence highlighting the history of other white people as slave drivers – and maybe it’s particularly personal, because that white man has direct relatives that have done that same thing. The black man might have called that a cracker to anyone, anywhere, anytime, but because this person is white, and has a personal history to slavery, an offence has been taken away).

Response:

The core issue here is the projection of personal trauma and assumptions based on group identity—the Men need to recognize that they are not defined by the color of their skin, nor should they treat others as if they are responsible for the harm done to them by others in the past.

Similarly, the Men, while acting in good faith, need to be open to understanding specific individual circumstances – such as the Men's lived experiences, which may be highly personal and not representative of all people of that skin color.

However, it is important that both sides avoid assuming the other is wrong simply based on identity or labels. The Men should seek clarity when a miscommunication happens, and the Men should take responsibility for their emotional reaction and learn to distinguish between their past traumas and the individual actions of others.

This scenario reflects Shared Responsibility. We all must step up to educate ourselves and avoid projecting past pain onto others.

1.8    Scenario Four: Sexual Abuse

Actors: Victim | Perpetrator | Sexual Abuse

Summary: We’re going to look at a really challenging and highly emotion charged scenario here… Sexual abuse is one of the most intimate forms of abuse.

Scenario 1 (Common Scenario): This scenario is well-understood—a person coerces another person into sex through force or manipulation—whether physical, emotional, or psychological (usually a man on a women, but any gender can manipulate any other gender). This is classic sexual abuse, and there is no justification for it. The victim is harmed, and the abuser is responsible for the violation. This scenario does not fall under Unified Ascent, which stands for respect, consent, and love in all relationships.

Scenario 2 (Denial of Identity): Now, the more challenging scenario: Imagine a person who has never abused anyone, has never done anything wrong, and is completely loving, respectful, and genuinely cares about others and the world. However, they are labelled as an abuser by others because of the actions of others or because of some assumed identity placed on them by society. This person is treated unfairly, stigmatized, and their ability to engage in healthy relationships, including sexual relationships, is stripped away.

The abuse here isn’t about the persons actions—it’s about how society labels them based on assumptions, projecting past actions of others onto them. This mental and emotional abuse denies Us All our humanity, our identity, our sexuality, and our natural right to connect and share love with others. By denying our humanity, We are in fact, abusing ourselves – we are taking away our own identities, and the identities of others. This mental and emotional abuse now becomes a form of sexual abuse—because we are denying ourselves our sexual identity and the opportunity to be seen as we truly are.

For example, if a man asks a women what their relationship status is, and her, (or anyone else in the space), rebuke the man for this innocent question, then everyone has reduced ability for healthy personal, intimate, and sexual relationships. The man asking the question has been damaged, and is less likely to try again, the women is less likely to find a partner, because she has not been given the opportunity to explore this potential, and every other person is impacted, with less options, less confidence, less trust, and ultimately less love. Words made in anger to someone looking to connect reduces All our connections. This is NOT a Unified Ascent. We are All worse off.

1.9    Concluding

Shared responsibility is about everyone involved:

• People have responsibility for their past and how they have interacted with others, ensuring we are always trying to act with love, respect, and understanding.

• People have responsibility to approach each other as individuals – not with preconceived notions or judgments, but with a willingness to see the person in front of them, and not project the actions of others.

• Society must take responsibility for not labelling people based on assumptions but allowing them to grow and evolve beyond their past.

There are some complex scenarios here, that we could expand on and consider in many ways. In all of these scenarios, the point is clear: everyone has a part to play. There’s no one person at fault, no one person to blame. It’s all about shared responsibility. Whether you’re in the role of the abuser, victim, or abuse, the lover, the angry person, or the intervener, it’s everyone’s responsibility to figure out how to move forward and make things right. We can’t play just one role—we evolve together.

And no matter how you slice it, the key takeaway is that we all have a stake in making things better. It’s about understanding, accountability, and working together to resolve the challenges we face—whether in relationships, communities, or the broader world. Everyone’s responsibility.

Finally, abuse isn’t just the overt, forceful acts, but also mental and emotional harm caused by labels, assumptions, and denial of someone’s rights to be treated with dignity, love, and respect. Unified Ascent sees every party involved—the giver, the receiver, and society in general, with shared responsibility in ensuring that abuse (in all forms) does not happen.